Almost Perfect
by CastielAndTheBlueBox
Summary: Somehow, he managed to break her, and not even in the way he thought he would.


He didn't know why he kept doing this to her.

She was perfect, pure, untainted, something he wanted so badly to hold onto but also to let go of, because she is too good for him.

Darcy Lewis was waves and laughs, sarcasm and flirting. She lived with so much evil around her, so many broken human beings that he was surprised by how little cynicism she held, how she still managed to see the best in people and how she managed to make some of the worst of them crack a real smile once in a while.

Bruce.

Natasha.

Clint.

Himself.

James Barnes (The Soldier, really) was glares and gruffness, frowns and pain. He could feel the evil radiating off of them, could see the hearts of his teammates that were broken, shattered, really, into a million different pieces that couldn't be put back together because so many parts of them were with others. Even Thor was broken. Hell, even those not part of the team were broken: Pepper and Jane being the prime examples.

And then there was Darcy, dancing in the middle of the labs while Tony and Bruce watched her with amusement (bemusement), Jane fondly telling her to stop it and do some work, Natasha and Clint watching from a corner and smiling. It was so rare to see them smile that it made James smile too, and nine times out of ten she'd convince him to join her and he'd be up, spinning her around and dancing some kind of thing he's fairly certain he did a lot in the forties, but can't be sure because those memories are _gone_.

And then, after hard missions, when he can feel the blood like a sheet over his whole body, when the memories and hurt and guilt become too much to bear, he sneaks up to her room and it's all gentle touches and reassurance and...

_I'm here. You're safe. _

_You will not get hurt._

She held him, and he held her and they moved together in synchronisation. Lips on lips as his hips moved towards hers, and she'd softly arch towards him, letting out little breaths, and the whole time he hated himself because she was a clear canvas, completely untainted, but his ledger dripped red, and he couldn't help but feel he would spoil her. Ruin her.

Darcy's arms would go around his neck, and then she'd kiss him again, and he'd manage to forget again, and just focus on the pleasure.

And then they'd lie together in the soft afterglow, he wide awake and she asleep in his arms, metal one draped around her waist to lie on her stomach, before finally he'd get up and leave, and the next day, it was like nothing had happened... until he needed her again.

And then there was the night he fell asleep too. He forgot to leave and awoke from a nightmare, panting and screaming out a name that he forgot whenever he awoke. And Darcy was holding him, letting him sob in his chest as he mumbled out broken sentences in Russian and held onto her for dear life, as if afraid she'd get up and walk away if he didn't. But she just combed her fingers through his hair and pressed soft kisses to his scalp and then the words slipped out.

"It's okay, you're safe, you're with me, I love you..."

And just like that, she froze, hands pausing in his hair, body tensing.

He himself tensed up because no, it was wrong, she couldn't have said that, she wasn't supposed to love him, love wasn't a thing with them, she deserved so much better, like Steve, or, ideally, someone who wasn't affiliated with SHIELD in any way.

But the worst part was, he couldn't say it back, not if he tried, because loving was a dangerous, dangerous thing.

* * *

She avoided him after that.

She didn't dance in the labs.

She didn't laugh.

She was like an empty shell and James couldn't believe it was his fault, that out of all the things that could have (should have) left her broken in the last six years, it's this that does it.

And he realized that he loved her. He did.

And that was how he found himself barging in on her date with some guy who serves coffee at Starbucks with a ring in his pocket and a terrified (mad) look in his eyes.

"Darcy!" he yelled, breathing heavily when he finally reached her.

"Please... don't..." he managed, wheezing, and she raised an eyebrow at him.

"Barnes, I think you made your feelings clear." she replied, and the guy frowned slightly.

"Darce, who's this guy?" he asked, puffing up, and James offered him a glare, giving him a glimpse of the metal arm.

"I'm sorry. I'm an idiot, but I do, I... I love you and..." he fumbled around in his pockets before passing the box to her. She swallowed, and opened it, before a small smile appeared on her face.

"That was possibly the worst proposal in history, Barnes but..." she slipped it on, and kissed him. Her date raised an eyebrow.

"O...kay. Guess I won't be seeing you again. Bye... um..."

They didn't even notice him leave, too caught up in each other.

James didn't show affection in public, like, ever.

But if there was a time to?

It was right there, in a cramped little bar in the middle of New York, people around them cheering (aside from one guy, who was despairing the practice of marriage, but that's for another story).

It was almost perfect.


End file.
